Natural Nonsense
A new Mom in Thunder Bay, Ontario says that carrying and giving birth to the newest member of her family was not nearly as difficult as she had been led to believe. In fact, she says it was “super easy”, and that she’s not sure what all the fuss is about.
Most Moms Misleading
“I’ve been watching my friends have babies for years,” she told Natural Nonsense. “And all I heard was complaining, from beginning to end. Honestly, it was a little annoying.”
That’s why, 9 months ago, she decided to go on her own journey to creating a family.
“I really wanted to show them that it didn’t have to be a big deal. I mean, a midwife? A doula? Shovelling down vitamins and drinking disgusting herbal teas? Please. We are making this thing way too complicated. This is the 21st century. Anyone can have a baby. It’s time for moms to get over themselves.”
Pregnancy Shmegnancy
And from what she says, things went exactly to plan. Without any changes to her diet, exercise, or lifestyle, she experienced a hassle-free pregnancy and birth. She continued her demanding job teaching 3 classes per week as a Gender Studies professor at a local college, without suffering from morning sickness, back pain, or swollen feet. She only called in sick once, after a late night out with friends.
She also claims that Snowball, the birthing mother of her new child, hardly seemed to notice that she was pregnant at all.
“I watched her super carefully, and she didn’t change any of her habits, as far as I could see. She was just living her life.”
Proving Stereotypes Wrong
As for the birth itself, that was quick and painless as well. “One night I was going to bed at 3 am after bingewatching 7 episodes of Riverdale, and there was Snowball, in the back of my closet, with a perfect little kitten. I didn’t even hear her.”
Mittens, her new fur-baby, seems to be perfectly healthy and happy, despite the lack of pre-natal healthcare.
Building on her successes, this laid-back mother also intends to prove that losing the baby weight doesn’t have to take any time or effort, either. She says this is something most moms stress about, but that – with the right attitude – is completely unnecessary.
“Honestly, I don’t think I even gained anything,” she said.
Asked if she would do it again, she said, “Definitely.”
The above story is intended as satire. No disrespect to cat owners or Gender Studies professors is intended.
Pregnant with a human child? Naturopathic medicine can make it easier.
